All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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