Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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