he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
it was like having sex with a tree stump
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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