Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I have tasted many bathrooms
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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