that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
