this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
