it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
