Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
