i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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