my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Randomize
