sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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