Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
