Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
