I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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