last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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