yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
