I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
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