i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
