By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
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How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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