Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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