Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
