I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
It's never too late to be topless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize