somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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