soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
