you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
