Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
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My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Dick very happy bro
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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