when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
You know, be my cock's hype man.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
