i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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