My Higher Power is John Stamos
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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