i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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