you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
