Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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