If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
40s are totally the cure
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
How drunk are you?
Completed.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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