You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
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I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
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Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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