We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
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He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
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Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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