when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Randomize
