i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
