I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
