the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
