Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
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