listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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