doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
