WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
