Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
