I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
