The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
