i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
