just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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