Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
