Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
