our cab driver is having phone sex.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
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