What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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