think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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