I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
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