I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
