my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
