I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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