i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
