No stitches, just platelets and will power
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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