woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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