i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
