I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
