he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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