If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
