Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Randomize
