Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
