what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
