my soul wont recognize me after tonight
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
