My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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