Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
