I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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